Another young Nigerian who is apparently depressed has dropped a very touching suicide note on his Facebook page where he begged his family and friends to forgive him for taking the decision to kill himself.
In the suicide note, the Osogbo, Osun State-based man who goes by the name Ayeni's JonZin on his profile, said he has fought for a long time to hang on but in the end, he has been defeated and can't take it any longer.
Begging
for understanding from his friends, he said he knows the pains he is
going to put them all through but that they should not feel too bad
saying they do not deserve to be affected by his negativity.
He ended the note by saying:
'If
you’re crying, please stop. What if my death is a glorious celebration?
Could you celebrate it for me? Could all of you dance, and sing my
favorite songs around my soulless body?
Again, please don’t cry. Don’t mourn. Don’t grieve. I am happy now. Happy. Truly happy. Believe this.'
Though
many of the Facebook friends who responded to the note believe he is
joking and should not take such joke too far, other think he needs help
and those close to him should respond fast to save him from carrying out
the threats.
Ayeni JonZin in happier times
Read his note here:
"Am
sorry; I’m sorry to you and everyone who believed in me. I apologize
profusely. You don't deserve seeing me in turmoil. You don't deserve to
be affected by my negativity.
It
hurts me even more, knowing what I put you through. The way you looked
at me, afraid, helpless, hopeless. The way I stared back into your eyes,
defeated.
Don’t be angry
because this was nothing personal. Know that I’m gone because I chose to
do so. For once, I finished something I started.
For
once I was brave enough to go through with something risky and
dangerous. Don’t be disappointed. I didn’t give up, no; on the contrary,
all I ever wanted was a reason to persevere.
All
I ever wanted was to really live, but I didn’t know how. Your lit up,
elated smiling faces made me smile, although it broke my heart all at
once. I felt bad and guilty because you loved me.
Your
compassion pained me as much as it consoled me. I often wished that
having you in my life, and all the other privileges I had, was enough. I
believed in a higher entity, but I don’t think you like me anymore.
I
think you often look down and cringe, embarrassed that I molded a
mistake. Maybe I’m in hell right now, but you knew I never believed in
hell. The concept was created to keep us on track and motivate us to do
good.
What if the earth is
hell? It sure felt that way. What if everything we wanted was actually
nothing? What if all the things we think are tangible, are actually
figments of our imagination?
What
if life is actually death, and when we die we are truly alive? Wouldn’t
that make more sense? For if this is life, surely some of us wouldn’t
inexplicably yearn for death so badly?
I
didn’t die because I wanted it to stop, although towards the end, I
probably partially did. Please understand this. I did it because I had a
burning desire in the depths of my soul for something more, a kind of
wanderlust.
Who said death had to be this morbid? If you’re crying, please stop. What if my death is a glorious celebration?
The drugs Ayeni JonZin wants to use to kill himself
Could you celebrate it for me? Could all of you dance, and sing my favorite songs around my soulless body?
Again, please don’t cry. Don’t mourn. Don’t grieve. I am happy now. Happy. Truly happy. Believe this.
I love you."
Apart from the letter, JonZin also posted a photo of a cocktail of drugs he would use to kill himself.
